Original Photo via Mary Tegtmeyer on Flickr
How much better is silence; the coffee cup, the table. How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here for ever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself. — Virginia Woolf, “The Waves”
This week, let’s go quiet together.
Let’s listen more and update less.
Let’s hear each other’s silent screams of fear and anxiety.
Let other people talk.
Let other people fight to have their voice heard.
Let other people have the last word.
Let other people be right.
Not you.
This week, you are sitting back, waiting.
This week, you are smiling and nodding.
This week, you have nothing to prove.
If you must speak, whisper.
Leave the yelling for another week.
Leave the lectures for another week.
Be a silent warrior. Do things without asking.
Swallow your expectations.
Wash them down with a nice cup of tea.
Say nothing. Think nothing.
Turn everything off.
Even your mind.
When you feel the urge to speak out, breathe instead.
Shush yourself.
Shush yourself again and again.
See what unfolds.
What do you discover at the core of your being?
Maybe you aren’t going screen-free this week. Maybe you aren’t interested in being quiet. If so, there are always past weekly intentions you can read and take hold of — do only what you need right now. You’ll know what’s calling you.
Sometimes, we just need motivation to put an end to our less-than-ideal habits. Sometimes, we just need a to find a community that supports new, positive habits. Too much TV/computer/smartphone use is on the rise.
I have friends who take weekends off because the barage of information is just too much for their brains to take in. This information age is upon us and we have to learn to cope. We have to learn to find a balance of embracing this amazing world of iPads and instant communication with the slow, easygoing life most of us desire.
Maybe it’s Screen-Free Week that motivates you to consume less.
Maybe you see your family growing more distant to each other.
Maybe your dreams are bigger and better than those playing out in the movies and on television.
Maybe your life is more amazing than that friend who’s constantly updating on Facebook.
Maybe.
I urge you to help me create a mindful screens community here. Take this Mindful Screens vow with me and take it seriously.
This is about your everyday use of technology and how to balance it so that you don’t burnout, it’s about teaching ourselves to know when enough is enough. It’s also about making sure we practice what we preach.
It’s about intentional, everyday UNPLUGGING.
Take this pledge and start finding new ways to balance your crazy life with the fast pace of technology.
You can find the printable version for this Pledge right HERE.
And, to show solidarity, please write your name and how you will be more mindful in the comments below to declare a mindful TV and computer lifestyle for your whole family.
- I vow to BE MINDFUL of the screens I watch.
- I will hide my smartphone for periods of time each day.
- I will explore WHY and HOW I am using screens in my life.
- We will watch TV together and make it an event, not a pastime.
- I vow to monitor what my family watches regularly.
- We will choose being together and connecting over screen time.
Sign Below (in comments):
Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt on Flickr
What would happen if just today you let go of the tight grip you keep on your life?
Would the world fall apart?
Would YOUR world fall apart?
What if you didn’t care about what your children ate, the activities they did, if your husband packed his lunch or even if he was going to be home late, again?
Will the sun still come up tomorrow? Will your family still be OK?
What if just for today you didn’t care what other people thought and you just did your own thing without worry or societal pressures?
Would all that authenticity make you shine brighter?
What if all those balls you’re juggling in the air just fell one-by-one onto the ground and shattered on the floor?
Would you be upset or would you be relieved?
How would it feel to just be without trying to get to the next best thing that you simply must achieve? That next blog post? That next level of management? That next big screen TV? The bigger car?
Would everything you have right now, this very second, be enough?
What if you just stopped caring so damn much about life’s minutiae and started paying attention to all the beauty that surrounds you instead? Who cares if you really say no to volunteering, just this once? Who cares if you really say yes to skipping the latest social function, just this once?
Especially if it means more time to yourself. Or more time with your family?
The image of losing my tight grip on all the many things I try to control all day is a beautiful, profound thought to me. Breathing helps. Doing less helps. Saying yes to more fun things helps.
The idea of not needing to be responsible for every. little. stinking. thing is WONDERful.
But the idea of losing that tight grip that I have on my children’s day is even more appealing. Are they old enough to start learning valuable mistakes? Are they old enough to pull away from me just a bit? Are they old enough to start doing more things on their own?
How about you? What could you care less about today? Beds not getting made? An unkept house? Piles of laundry? Children’s squabbling in the other room? If they ate iced pop tarts over the new box of organic shredded wheat? If their clothes match? Finding the perfect photo to share on your blog or on Facebook or to send across the miles?
That everything is perfectly perfect?
Original Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt on Flickr
WRITING PROMPT ONE: Write a list of all the things you have to do today. I mean truly have to do today. Now, circle only the ones that are life or death — meaning they have to be done today or someone gets hurt. What’s left?
WRITING PROMPT TWO: Is there anything in your life that you’d like to let go of … maybe a long-held belief, an insecurity, a personality trait? Perhaps it’s a constant worry. Or a fear that just won’t let you relax. What have you done to let go of it? What could you do to try harder to let go of it?
Feel free to share your thoughts below in the comments or on your own blog, linking back to this post. I’ll always share your links on my Facebook and Pinterest pages.
Big super-sized thanks to Chintermeyer on Flickr for this really fine photo.
You begged for help today and no one answered.
Just breathe.
The children woke up a half hour too early and will be a mess by 9 a.m..
Just breathe.
Milk was spilled all over the counter and the clean clothes.
Just breathe.
She had another tantrum over nothing. Again.
Just breathe.
He only wants to watch TV and play video games.
Just breathe.
The twins are fighting again.
Just breathe.
The house is a total wreck because that’s the kind of day/week it has been.
Just breathe.
You need more sleep.
Just breathe.
You need quiet time and cannot get it.
Just breathe.
You couldn’t find time to exercise, again.
Just Breathe.
You don’t have the money to pay the bills.
Just breathe.
You just lost your job.
Just breathe.
Your child failed another test.
Just breathe.
Your child had a fight with a friend.
Just breathe.
Your child is being bullied.
Just breathe.
Your child is the bully.
Just breathe.
You haven’t talked to an adult in days.
Just breathe.
You have too much to do and no nap time to do it.
Just breathe.
You work all day and come home to housework all night.
Just breathe.
You have dreams and you cannot — not for the life of you — reach them.
Just breathe.
The babies are growing up faster than you ever dreamed would happen.
Just breathe.
We’re in this together. This is your village. This is where we support each other. This is where you are reminded what peace feels like. This is where you know it’s OK to do less, to be imperfect. This is your place to find your silly side again. This is the place where we remind each other to stop and play. This is the place to feel inspired, to say yes and embrace the wonders of the world.
Our intention this week is to be inspired. You can read about other Awesomely Awake intentions here.
Some days we have regular, average, nothing special kinds of days — you know, when you drop the kids off, go to work, pick the kids up and then go home and make dinner and then do homework and then give baths and then read books and go to bed.
Should I say collapse into bed?
You know those days, right?
They are regular. Nothing sparkled. Nothing shined. It was OK — and you had plenty to be grateful for, for sure.
I call them Mondays.
I can’t live that way. I don’t expect my kids to live that way either.
Part of my awake journey is to ensure that each day has a little bling of living in it. We get this one great chance at a lifetime of love and wonder and I believe we have to grab it with a firm grip and not let go.
Because a busy life naturally leads us to disconnect from what matters.
Of course, I have to be reminded of this time and time again, especially when life gets hectic as it has most definitely been lately.
That’s why we love weekends so much and hate Mondays equally. So, a while back I decided there weren’t going to be anymore Mondays in my life. That every day should be as fun as a Saturday. That’s when I started this project.
Lately, I’ve gotten extremely busy again and I can feel myself starting to endure another bout of careaholic burning inside of me. I have had to remind myself that to live an inspired, awake life takes effort and creativity. It takes a lot of deep breathing. It takes a tiny bit of planning. But when we do take the time, the results are magical and full of awe and wonder — as life should be.
Such as tonight when we split two big cupcakes and each shared our best moments of the day. Not perfect moments but things we feel we did better today than days past.
Life is meant to be lived. That’s why we are here, isn’t it? That’s why we are striving to be Awesomely Awake. That’s why we wanted a family and children, right?
So, let’s take a moment and really brainstorm how to turn a regular day into a spectacular day with very little planning. First, return to that lovely Energy List you made Monday, and the “Think Outside the Box” box list on Wednesday and read them again …
Now, we’re going to write a third list. Write the things you love to do as a family, things that bring laughter, things that bring big smiles to your day; things that give you energy, that make your day as a family shimmer and shine. Write for a long time. Keep adding to this list when new ideas come to you. They will for sure.
Now today, this weekend, next week … start doing those things as often as possible.
Science experiments always brighten a day
Here’s our family’s 9 Ways to Make Any Day Better:
Celebrate — Light a candle for something ordinary and lovely like how you did the crow in yoga or how your child was brave during the school’s fire drill. Put that candle in ice cream, a cookie or even a muffin. Anything at all that’s on hand. Even an Eggo waffle would do! Of course, the best is always a delicious chocolate cupcake.
Get Outside — Days are just better when we get out for fresh air. It’s as simple as that. Even when it’s cold and snowy. Even when it’s cloudy and grey. Even if we just play with sidewalk chalk, being outdoors makes everything better.
Talk Walks — Explore, wonder, live in awe as you walk. Make up stories. Walk in silence. Hold hands. Definitely hold hands.
Read Together — Carve out one hour to just read together. Could be anywhere but make it special and make it an ordeal with blankets and pillows and special snacks. Talk about the books. Stop often and really embrace the questions and comments. Be patient to move on to the next page. Really patient. When you run out of books, tell stories.
Throw a picnic — At the park, on the back patio, in the front yard, in the living room. A blanket and some fun food is all you need. Day better already!
Be silly — Have a night of telling jokes. Or drawing funny pictures. Dance. Play follow the leader and put Dad as the leader. Wear silly clothes.
Go some place new — I only recently added this to the list. We went to a very old-school diner kind of place and it was so nice to experience something so different together. I didn’t realize until that moment that we had been stuck in a routine that avoided some new experienes — all because we were so used to taking care of little children. Now that our girls are older this will certainly be a top energy driver in our family.
Mix up your routine — I like certainty. I like knowing things. If you pick your kids up from school or after care as I do, pack your sneakers and head across town to explore. If your kids go home on the bus, meet them at the bus stop and go for a dice walk. Let the kids make dinner. Skip baths and just play games. Go off schedule. Do anything that allows you to do less than you normally do.
Jadyn with her first Eiffel Tower drawing!
Creative boost — Anytime we use art materials as a family and create something we can be proud of it turns our day into magic. I love when we put a little family art into our day. Make a poster, a banner, special cards for family or church members who have been sick and need a pick-me-up. Or, just go with the flow and create anything.
Please add your favorite family friendly posts to the Kids Co-Op below!! Leave a comment with your link # so I can check out your posts, in particular. Thanks!
So just how do we live more? It’s perhaps a little easier said than done, right? Especially — well, particularly — for those of us with children. Perhaps even harder for those of us with no family to help out for even a day, let alone a night or a weekend? How do we live more?
I will admit, I struggle with this intention. And that’s why I wrote it.
But, now more than six years into this parenting gig, I do get it. Perhaps I always did.
For me, living is the little things. And when I look back at old videos, old pictures, old blog posts from a couple blogs ago, I realize … we have been extremely blessed to live a really awesome life — one that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
How do we live more with children?
I started thinking about this concept when I read Life is a Verb, as I wrote about in Monday’s Amaze Yourself & Live Life post, but that mindset really sunk in when our family created a memory jar.
For us, the memory jar is an old rice container that has been repurposed with a little sign that says Fink Memory Jar. We started it last September or so — long enough to know what we are doing. This idea popped up on Pinterest last year and I think it came from Parent Hacks but I’m not sure of the origination of anything anymore.
Currently, I am usually the only person writing memories in the jar but the whole family contributes to what should be written so it is truly a family effort. But, contrary to what you might think, memories are verbs. There are actions in memories. We have to do something, see something, hear something, notice something for it feel like a true memory.
We have to notice the beauty or we may miss it. And then you’ll get to the end of your day and think there’s nothing to write about today. There weren’t any A-ha Moments, in other words. It might have been a lovely day, a wonderful day even but no memories?? How can that be? How sad! What a tragedy!
I brainstormed one evening during my gratitude practice and discovered that there’s a whole lotta memories and living happening that we had glossed over as a family. I had been ignoring some wonderful, tiny, special, glittery moments that pass by with barely a blink.
This lesson was a lot like in the movie, “Up” when Mr. Frederickson realizes that his wife was a dreamer, yes, but that their everyday life together was all that really mattered to her. Such a poignant moment in the movie and I dare you to not cry during that scene. Double dare.
The reason that scene is so emotional for so many is because we realize that we are all so busy chasing those big “Rainbow” moments that we often forget about the small, everyday shimmery ones.
And, this memory jar project is also great motivation to start living life more. I highly recommend you start this jar today. You can put the little notes of paper in anything at all — a bowl, a ziplock bag — but start today. You will not regret it. Please share some ideas for memories to write down as well in the comments!
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Silly songs your family sings
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The crazy things kids say
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The crazy things parents say
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Anything related to body functions
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Illnesses — or better yet, that amazing feeling you feel when you are finally better!
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Random Acts of Kindness — both that you’ve done and when others do it to you
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Movie nights, game nights, art nights
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Big, scary bugs
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Big, scary messes
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Trips — big and little, far and near
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Daily rituals
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Traditions
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Adventures — tame and wild
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Learning moments
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Teachable moments
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Firsts. Ah, the firsts. {first roller skating experience}
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Books read — this includes parents’ books, too!!
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Special meals {spontaneous invite to a friend’s for Pizza Margherita!}
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Neat sightings {like when we saw 5 deer run across a highway}
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Silly things that make everyone laugh like taking a night to talk in a made-up language
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Weird things{ like when five cats suddenly show up living in your backyard.}
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The precious, sweet moments when you catch random kindness
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Your promotions and successes at work or in your community
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Your milestones {such as when I did back bends in yoga!!}
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Your dreams turning to reality {the day 5,000 people visited my blog!!}
At the end of the year — or whenever you feel like it — read these notes from the whole year. Now, share some of your own ideas to add to our memory jars!
I love family art days. When our family gets together at the dining room table to do art together, my heart swells with pride. It’s perhaps one of my Top 10 family moments each year.
Fortunately and unfortunately we had time to throw together Family Art this past weekend.
To say that one of my girls was under the weather would be an understatement. It was the kind of illness that leaves you worried around the clock. The result was not only the cancelling of a very big trip but the inability to really do anything at all but sit and soothe.
In the middle of it all, I really wanted to do something fun and special to cheer us all up, especially the sick girl. First we wrote her little notes, which were fine but not enough. By the third day, notes just weren’t going to cut it.
And then I remembered a project I had been planning to do: A Family Banner. You can take this project in many directions, but we wanted it to be so simple that everyone could do it, even a very sick little girl. My amazing friend Jena sparked the concept of this project in me when she commented on my Wonder Board post about how she has conversations with her daughters about how to describe their family.
I love how this project requires a little thought, conversation and planning. I love how it gets us all thinking about what family means. I love that it’s artistic but also very meaningful to us. I love that it hangs just so under our family photos that mean so much to us as well.
Again, I emphasize that I love creative projects that are easy, accessible and practical. I feel this falls into that category perfectly. Anyone can do this with very simple materials and effort.
All you need to do this project is the following:
- Colored Paper of your choice
- White or lighter color paper of your choice
- Yarn, string or some other hanging material
- Hole punch
- Art supplies — whatever you have on hand.
First I cut the papers to fit to a nice rectangle size. I actually used two colors of the background paper and a nice light gray.
And then, while everyone was sitting around — well, that’s all we did — I asked questions about what it means to be family such as what does family mean, family stands for ___ ? or what is our family like? For our girls, who are 6, it took a little effort to get this conversation started but once it did, their ideas were overflowing. These were some of their answers:
Family is cool
Family is sweet
Family is caring
Family takes care of each other
I added a few of my own as well …
Our family is beautiful
Family is forever.
We took turns writing those saying on each flag and then decorating those flags.
And then, the magical part, came when we each created our own Name flag for the banner. We wrote our names — I wrote my many names such as Mama, Mommy, Shawn, Writer, etc. — and then we gave them flair with collage!
We had a ton of fun with this part of the banner.
Our banner now hangs lovingly in our family room where we can all see it every day. It’s a nice happy reminder of what really matters each day — even when things really don’t go our way. A wonderful reminder that the four of us are always here for each other when the going gets tough.
A New Day -- buy on Etsy
When you wake today, May You Notice.
May you Pay attention.
May you see and honor the tiny, yet beautiful details of life unfolding before your very eyes. May you feel how the earth holds you up, grounds you and gives you something to stand on, something to stand for each day. May you smell the coffee as it gradually drifts from room to room. May you Breathe in the morning air, the smells of new beginnings, of starting overs, of delicious conspiracies you can turn into your reality.
May you see your partner. How he or she follows the same routine. How he or she takes time to notice the little things. May You hear what is not only said but meant. May You be open to that love between you.
Poster on Etsy. Click image for more details.
And when the children wake early, long before the sun rises, may you Notice.
May you Pay attention. May you realize this, too, will most definitely pass.
May you laugh as their bed head makes their hair do twisty, weird things. May you feel how their warmth radiates from their hearts, filling yours. Smell their sweetness and innocence before everyone gets too busy to gather close again. Notice what their eyes are drawn to out of curiosity and wonder. May You Notice what inspires them to smile. May you smile with them at the beauty of everything.
May You See Beauty by Lori Portka. Click image for details.
As you go about your day, and your family goes about theirs, May You Pay attention to the birds singing outside your windows. May you notice the way the green stems are peeking up through the ground. May you notice how the clouds are billowing away their time in the sky, traveling, floating. May You Notice the way all the human beings you pass are just human beings, fighting to survive another day themselves. May you notice how they warm your heart even if they are strangers, even if they are not like you.
And when you come back together as a family, May You Pay Attention to what isn’t said at all. May you look into each others eyes and notice how bright they are, or tired they are, or excited they are. May you cook slowly, eat slowly and linger long together, just relishing this meal for what it us — sustenance, soul food, nourishment. May you savor that food and the memories of eating together. May You Notice that this moment is what matters.
May You Pay Attention to the joy that crosses their faces as you say YES, finally, again, once more. May You Notice how that makes you feel, to make people happy because you can, because you wanted to and because you could.
As your day comes to an end, May You Notice how the light fades in each of your rooms. How the energy rises …. rises …. rises and then watch it as it falls, comes to a sleepy end. May You Notice how little bodies shiver and lips turn blue as they dry off from their bath. May You Notice how the knots have gotten more tangled as their hair has grown, as they have grown. May you notice that the line on the bathroom wall where you last measured is now far below where their head would be now.
May You Notice that life is right here, this moment and no other. May You Notice that you just survived a day without tackling your to-do list. May You Notice that you, too, have needs. A bath. A good book. A sweet wine. A massage. A long night’s sleep. To talk to a friend. To write long and full of run-on sentences because you have so much to express, so much to say and there aren’t enough hours to remember it all even though you really wish you could so you just have to write them down before you forget the beauty.
May You Pay Attention to all that matters today. And nothing more.
For more mindful living inspiration, check out Amaze Yourself & Say Yes More, Amaze Yourself & Do Less and Amaze Yourself & Act Silly.
Awesomely Awake 