Original Photo via Mary Tegtmeyer on Flickr
How much better is silence; the coffee cup, the table. How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here for ever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself. — Virginia Woolf, “The Waves”
This week, let’s go quiet together.
Let’s listen more and update less.
Let’s hear each other’s silent screams of fear and anxiety.
Let other people talk.
Let other people fight to have their voice heard.
Let other people have the last word.
Let other people be right.
Not you.
This week, you are sitting back, waiting.
This week, you are smiling and nodding.
This week, you have nothing to prove.
If you must speak, whisper.
Leave the yelling for another week.
Leave the lectures for another week.
Be a silent warrior. Do things without asking.
Swallow your expectations.
Wash them down with a nice cup of tea.
Say nothing. Think nothing.
Turn everything off.
Even your mind.
When you feel the urge to speak out, breathe instead.
Shush yourself.
Shush yourself again and again.
See what unfolds.
What do you discover at the core of your being?
Maybe you aren’t going screen-free this week. Maybe you aren’t interested in being quiet. If so, there are always past weekly intentions you can read and take hold of — do only what you need right now. You’ll know what’s calling you.
Original Photo Cred: Corsi Photo via Flickr
One of the things I, as a parent who doesn’t watch television, struggle most with is allowing my children to watch television.
I have fond memories of watching TV as a kid.
But, I have stronger memories of playing outside in the woods, building dirt and twig forts and running free, hosting tea parties for all of my dolls, playing school and spending hours recording stories on a cassette recorder.
Which of these memories bring back happier memories?
Not the ones about watching too much TV. Those are barely a blip in my memory bank. But ask me about playing on my grandparent’s 50-acres and I can go on and on.
Children, for lack of knowing any better, will always choose to watch TV or go to the computer unless we teach them to think outside the box. For some people, like The Outlaw Mom, television has definite benefits.
For me, it’s about a balance so I prefer to redirect some of the time. Yet, it’s about saying yes as much as it’s about saying no.
Original Photo Cred: Greg Westfall via Flickr
I’ve asked some parents around the blogosphere to share their favorite strategies to distract children from television and other techno gadgets that seem to be invading our homes and here are some the best they had to offer as well as my own. These moms also have great sites to find many, many activities to do with your children instead of television.
10 Creative ways to Break a TV Habit:
Make it a Family Choice: Take the pledge to really stop using gadgets as an everyday pasttime. Practice during Screen-Free week. Unplug.
Set the Stage: Cathy from the Nurture Store suggests setting up an “Invitation to Play” by having enticing materials to spark play all ready for when a child comes home from school. Maybe teddy bears waiting for a tea party or some art materials.
Change up their Routine: Do not say a word but leave a surprise for them like Zina from Let’s Lasso the Moon has done by putting art supplies on the kitchen table when they wake up in the morning.
Set Limits: Bernadette from 2 Posh Little Divas gives her children certain times when they can watch TV, but they cannot watch before school when she wants their brains to be quiet and focused before heading out for a day of learning. {In our house, we will say yes to TV only after certain chores are done as a way to get things picked up.}
Let them Choose: Have them make a list of things they think are cooler than TV. Honor their choices and respect them enough to help them happen. We’re big on letting our kids set most of the weekend’s to-do list. Or, they can choose something from their “Think Outside the Box Box.”
Loosen your Grip: The more we push them away from the TV, the more they may want it. Watch yourself and how much power you are giving these gadgets. Let go a bit. Rebekah from The Golden Gleam allows one hour in the middle of the day each day and that works nicely for her family.
Shoot your TV: {Just kidding!} Many people have turned off their TV service and now use only Netflix or Internet TV when they have the time and desire to watch. Jennifer Fischer at The Good Long Road said this works great for her family, which happens to make films for a living.
Play With Them: The most obvious, it seems, but sometimes we need reminded that children learn more from us than any toy or TV show. And, there aer many easy and fun ways to play including 25 Ways to Just Be With Your Child. And, here’s another 15 Ways to Play as a Family.
Use the Technology: Angelique Felix uses YouTube to create videos that are appropriate and timed perfectly for her child. She shared two playlists with me: a 10-minute stories playlist and a 20-minute playlist.
Challenge Them: We have been known to resort to challenges at our house. Friendly competition, really. It always works to say something like, “Let’s see who can … ” and give them a challenge such as who can find the most circles, or who can draw the biggest castle. We’ve also done the Family Farmer’s Market Scavenger Hunt, which incorporated my girls’ gadgets with photography and exercise.
Talk to them: Point out the amazing things there are to do in life and how time is short — too short to sit in front of a television. I say this to my girls all the time. They do not ask to watch TV in the mornings and rarely in the afternoons because they realize that would be time away from more fun things like taking walks, playing and doing art projects. They still like TV, for sure, but they love to play together and as a family even more!
They understand that to make memories means connecting with family in meaningfuly ways.
I love that about them.
Sometimes, we just need motivation to put an end to our less-than-ideal habits. Sometimes, we just need a to find a community that supports new, positive habits. Too much TV/computer/smartphone use is on the rise.
I have friends who take weekends off because the barage of information is just too much for their brains to take in. This information age is upon us and we have to learn to cope. We have to learn to find a balance of embracing this amazing world of iPads and instant communication with the slow, easygoing life most of us desire.
Maybe it’s Screen-Free Week that motivates you to consume less.
Maybe you see your family growing more distant to each other.
Maybe your dreams are bigger and better than those playing out in the movies and on television.
Maybe your life is more amazing than that friend who’s constantly updating on Facebook.
Maybe.
I urge you to help me create a mindful screens community here. Take this Mindful Screens vow with me and take it seriously.
This is about your everyday use of technology and how to balance it so that you don’t burnout, it’s about teaching ourselves to know when enough is enough. It’s also about making sure we practice what we preach.
It’s about intentional, everyday UNPLUGGING.
Take this pledge and start finding new ways to balance your crazy life with the fast pace of technology.
You can find the printable version for this Pledge right HERE.
And, to show solidarity, please write your name and how you will be more mindful in the comments below to declare a mindful TV and computer lifestyle for your whole family.
- I vow to BE MINDFUL of the screens I watch.
- I will hide my smartphone for periods of time each day.
- I will explore WHY and HOW I am using screens in my life.
- We will watch TV together and make it an event, not a pastime.
- I vow to monitor what my family watches regularly.
- We will choose being together and connecting over screen time.
Sign Below (in comments):
Original Photo Cred: Abilis via Flickr
Last year, our part of the country had no spring. Literally, we went from winter to summer with nothing but rain in between.
This year, we couldn’t be more grateful for the amazing weather we’ve been having.
To honor this season, I want to make sure that our family enjoys it to the fullest by writing a bucket list, of sorts. Call it whatever you want but it’s a list of things you want to do.
Here’s how to Write your Spring Bucket List.
- Grab a blanket and throw it on the grass outside.
- Grab a notebook and pens, crayons and markers.
- Brainstorm. Doodle. Create a list.
- Get up. Fold the blanket.
- Start doing the list.
If you don’t get to everything on your list — and you probably will not — add it to next year’s spring list. Or, better yet, move that item to your summer bucket list.
Here are 10 Ideas for Your Spring Bucket List {to get you started!}.
Plant a Secret Garden: Find a container and fill it with beautiful flowers. Watch them grow. Be amazed. Read the book while you’re at it!
Take a Spring Walk: Look for robins, spring flowers, worms, ants, floating clouds, tree buds. Listen for bees buzzing, flies, birds chirping, and people laughing outside. Smell the fragrances of freshly cut grass, newly bloomed flowers, barbecued dinners wafting through the air.
Go on a Family Hike: Invite another family to go along. Pack a picnic lunch and your best hiking shoes. Enjoy the peace. Enjoy the climb. Enjoy the cool water on your lips at the end.
Create a Backyard Field Guide: Make your own book about the animals, birds and insects that live in or around your house. This could include anything. Even if you live in an urban environment, there are birds, mice and squirrels just waiting to be spotted. Our guide will include a male and female duck couple, a groundhog, a bunny, cardinals and other birds. And, we even had what looked like a family of stray cats and kittens earlier this spring!
Fly a Kite: If there is wind, let there be a kite flying. It is always great entertainment and, the way we do it, good exercise, too.
Plan a Picnic: You can’t have spring without a nice, sunny picnic. Pack anything your hearts desire. All bets are off with picnic food. Lately, fruit, veggies, cheese and croissants are our faves but we’ve been known to do sandwiches, salads and even picked up fast food to take to the park where we run it all off together. Whatever is easiest works best.
Play Spy Games: Send everyone on a mission as spies. Learn to whisper and tip-toe your way through the grass to spy on one of those great creatures in your backyard. Wear sunglasses. Put on a disguise if you must. What else can you spy on outside?
Walk Barefoot: Walk slowly, mindfully and fully aware through the cool grass. What does the grass feel like between your toes? Encourage the whole family to do it. Wash the grass stains off later …
Hug a Tree: Not to go all tree hugger here, but choose a tree near your home and make it your Family Tree. Decorate it with lovely bird treats. Take a photo of it blooming. Give it a name and extra mulch. Then, follow your Family Tree through the seasons, photographing it along the way, but always treating it with the most love and kindness you can muster.
Enjoy a Spring Dinner: Before spring rushes out the door in a big, fat hurry, throw her a wonderful good-bye dinner. The evening of June 19th, bring out all the best dishes and pick all the best flowers and have a family dinner — yes, on a Tuesday night. Eat only the best seasonal foods you can find. Light a candle for spring goodness. Share your favorite spring memories and be sure to add them all to your memory jars!
Now, tell me what you’re putting on your Spring to-do list. Summer arrives on Wednesday, June 20. Share your thoughts in the comments.
Photo Credit: Mykl Roventine
Spring is here.
Stay awake.
Rise early. With a hot cup of coffee, walk outside. Close your eyes and listen for the birds. They seem to wake happy every day no matter what. Their songs will bring you instant joy if you let them.
Breathe in the smells of the trees and the grass, both dripping with tears from the night sky’s beauty.
Let the crisp, cool air fill your lungs.
Sit quiet and let your mind wander. And wonder. Let it rest before the day begins.
Do this as many mornings as possible.
Photo Credit: Robinrkc
In the middle of your day, walk outside and look up.
Float with the clouds. Smell the flowers. Sway with the trees.
Feel that glorious sunshine pour into your way-too-busy mind. Stay there and let it pour through you until you’ve recharged and reenergized.
Do this as many afternoons as possible.
Stay up late. Take a cool glass of iced tea onto your front lawn. Listen to the darkness. Listen to the quiet. Honor that neighbor who is rushing to mow before tomorrow’s rain. Honor that dog barking in the distance.
Listen to the rain drip into the earth, quenching the bugs and worms beneath us.
Feel the night air soak into your skin. Watch as the stars twinkle and whisper sweet everythings into your ears.
Do this as many evenings as possible.
Photo Credit: Craig Cloutier
Stay awake. Spring will fly by like a flock of geese. Summer will be here soon.
It’s not too late to fall in love with spring.
Stay awake.
Photo Credit: jk5854
A while ago, I had been writing weekend roundup posts, and I really loved that concept. Even though I try to live my life celebrating every day, I am a working mama and so I do very much enjoy the freedom that a good weekend can provide.
Oh, yes. I enjoy it very much.
Weekends offer so much time and possibility that isn’t like the usual weekday madness or being stuck to a confining desk. Weekends, for us, also mean that Awesomely Awake dad will be around more.
Weekends can also be a time of stress. I am consistently less productive on weekends because we are out of our routine. We tend to place higher expectations on our time together as a family so that we don’t waste a single moment. And, sometimes, we over-schedule.
This is all part of that control factor we’ve been focusing on this week. If we can’t even let go on our weekends, what kind of living are we really doing? We have to be willing to miss out on a few things if we want to truly relax and recharge. Loosening our grip on those silly details we obsess over would be a great start to any weekend.
But, at the same time, if you work all week, catching up on errands and having a clean house — finally! — might be what makes you feel better. Just make it a portion of the weekend and not the whole thing.
I’ve tried many ways to balance my weekends. I’ve tried detailed lists. I’ve tried no lists. I’ve tried one-day of work and errands and the other doing not much of anything. Truth is, it all works and none of it works. Now I just enjoy the time without larger-than-life expectations. We usually plan one really fun thing and do one really important thing. The rest of the weekend, we leave to the kids. Of course, I always make time for myself to do something I really want to do as well.
As I head into this weekend, here are some things inspiring me to enjoy an intentional, creative and fun weekend.
- In true Awesomely Awake spirit, I love this piece “You are already there” that Heather wrote that questions just how mindful we need to be as parents. It is always a balance.
- And then there’s Lindsey’s post, “A benediction of what is.” {LOVE THIS}.
- And, how about Preparing an Earth-Friendly Meal in honor of Earth Day next weekend? Get to the Farmer’s Market this week to prepare or celebrate early! Rebekah at The Golden Gleam did a lovely job with this post.
- Or, how about a few projects on this Childhood List, where blogger Katie is listing many cool things a childhood should consist of such as arts and crafts and places to go? This is surely a list to return to again and again.
Photo Credit: Zina from Let's Lasso the Moon
Finally, the best Activity: Indoor Camping. Sooo setting this up for the girls this weekend. It’s too cold here to do much else. Zina’s got a great idea here. Or, how about a faux camp out like here at Little Happies:
Now it’s your turn. Share your favorite inspiring posts with this week’s Kids Co-Op. Or, just share what you plan to do this weekend. Or not do!
Photo Credit: Hillary Stein on Flickr
Let’s just assume you are a tad controlling.
You’re not but let’s pretend you are, for this story’s sake.
Now what?
Do we sit around twiddling our thumbs, wondering what ‘s next?
Because that’s what it kind of feels like, right? Like if we don’t fill the void with stuff, there will be nothing left to do, nothing left to hang on to.
Loosen your grip.
Photo Credit: Gabork on Flickr
Despite the fact that being a Type A personality is perhaps my worst and, possibly best, trait, I do believe that it’s best to power down the control button at various points each day.
Baby steps, people. We spend every waking minute making sure the kids are OK, that the house is OK, that the job is OK that we live on autopilot with our feet pressed to the pedals.
Photo Credit: cvogle on Flickr
Here’s some baby steps to letting go:
LET THEM DO IT: The milk WILL spill. The toothpaste lid will get lost. The bed will still be messy after it’s made. The outfits will NOT be perfect. The cheese will miss the pizza dough. The mail may fly down the street and you have to chase after it. But let them do it anyway. Again and again. Release your control on how things get done and just honor the fact that they WANT to help and do their part.
LOWER EXPECTATIONS: Sure you will get it right the first time. Your way is the best way. You like things the way you like them. But others can do it, too. And they should. They’ll never do it like you but as long as you relish that someone else is taking care of it and being responsible, you can sit back and relax. Eventually, you may even delegate it the first time.
BITE YOUR TONGUE: I have a way with letting people know if they mess up. I never mean things as harshly as they come out of my mouth. I’ve learned, though, that if you are willing to let someone else make breakfast, dinner or drive the car then you MUST be willing to let them do it their way. And their way will be OK.
OPT OUT: There will be things you will not get to do. Places you will not go. People you will not see. Projects that will not get done {not right now anyway}. All because you decided to let go, to opt out, to let your spouse handle it. There will be more adventures to do some day. There will be other fundraisers and school events. There will be other big causes to get behind. If you need to stay home and lay in bed all day and watch movies or read magazines, that’s what you need to do. If you must, recreate the missed experience another day.
BANISH GUILT: Seriously, release those obligations and demands that you place so heavily on your own shoulders. No one has put them there but you. And, if someone has put them there, take charge of your life and assess the things that matter most today. Send this post to them. What’s more important? Time with the kids or time spent folding piles and piles of perfectly folded laundry? Extra time at the office or getting home to see the kiddo play soccer?
ACCEPT FAILURES: If you let go and things fall out of place, it’s OK. If you let go and things don’t turn out the way you wanted them to, it’s OK. If you let go and life twists and turns in other directions, it’s OK. Be at peace with whatever comes because whatever it is is your life, it’s your story and it will be beautiful no matter what happens.
Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt on Flickr
What would happen if just today you let go of the tight grip you keep on your life?
Would the world fall apart?
Would YOUR world fall apart?
What if you didn’t care about what your children ate, the activities they did, if your husband packed his lunch or even if he was going to be home late, again?
Will the sun still come up tomorrow? Will your family still be OK?
What if just for today you didn’t care what other people thought and you just did your own thing without worry or societal pressures?
Would all that authenticity make you shine brighter?
What if all those balls you’re juggling in the air just fell one-by-one onto the ground and shattered on the floor?
Would you be upset or would you be relieved?
How would it feel to just be without trying to get to the next best thing that you simply must achieve? That next blog post? That next level of management? That next big screen TV? The bigger car?
Would everything you have right now, this very second, be enough?
What if you just stopped caring so damn much about life’s minutiae and started paying attention to all the beauty that surrounds you instead? Who cares if you really say no to volunteering, just this once? Who cares if you really say yes to skipping the latest social function, just this once?
Especially if it means more time to yourself. Or more time with your family?
The image of losing my tight grip on all the many things I try to control all day is a beautiful, profound thought to me. Breathing helps. Doing less helps. Saying yes to more fun things helps.
The idea of not needing to be responsible for every. little. stinking. thing is WONDERful.
But the idea of losing that tight grip that I have on my children’s day is even more appealing. Are they old enough to start learning valuable mistakes? Are they old enough to pull away from me just a bit? Are they old enough to start doing more things on their own?
How about you? What could you care less about today? Beds not getting made? An unkept house? Piles of laundry? Children’s squabbling in the other room? If they ate iced pop tarts over the new box of organic shredded wheat? If their clothes match? Finding the perfect photo to share on your blog or on Facebook or to send across the miles?
That everything is perfectly perfect?
Original Photo Credit: D Sharon Pruitt on Flickr
WRITING PROMPT ONE: Write a list of all the things you have to do today. I mean truly have to do today. Now, circle only the ones that are life or death — meaning they have to be done today or someone gets hurt. What’s left?
WRITING PROMPT TWO: Is there anything in your life that you’d like to let go of … maybe a long-held belief, an insecurity, a personality trait? Perhaps it’s a constant worry. Or a fear that just won’t let you relax. What have you done to let go of it? What could you do to try harder to let go of it?
Feel free to share your thoughts below in the comments or on your own blog, linking back to this post. I’ll always share your links on my Facebook and Pinterest pages.
Thanks again to D Sharon Pruitt on Flickr for this amazing photo.
When I really found my groove here at the Awesomely Awake project, I reached out to a few friends for interviews because they, to me, symbolize what it means to be an Awake parent.
Jena Strong is one of those ladies.
Jena has been and will continue to be a part of my online village Tribe. I hope to meet her in real life some day!
I gave Jena — an amazing, amazing Poet — liberty to write this guest post however she wanted to do so. I knew she’d deliver and she has. Check out some of her poetry on her blog when you have some time.
Here’s what she has to say …
Guest Post by Jena Strong
Somehow, sitting down to write a list or to answer questions about ways I’m awesome and awake as a mom felt a little dicey, like I could easily be spinning some awesome and awake version of myself, based on my perception but possibly completely removed from my kids’ experience of me.
So, today, while Pearl (who turns six in a week) attended her fifth–I repeat, FIFTH–birthday party in two weekends (including her own, yesterday, which left me feeling like I’d run a half-marathon), I asked Aviva (who is nine-and-a half) if she’d work on this with me. I wasn’t even sure what I had in mind exactly, except that it seemed like it would be fun to collaborate. She promptly said no.
Photo also by D Sharon Pruitt on Flickr
But I sat down with my laptop on the couch next to her anyway, scrolling through your posts, dee-dee-dee…. no agenda, truly! Until sure enough, somehow, we wound up with me conducting an interview of her. Instead of trying to get at what makes me this-or-that kind of mama, I thought it might be more revealing and frankly, more interesting, to learn a little something about life from her perspective.
So, I typed questions. She read as I typed, then typed her answers. Here’s what we ended up with:
Do you have any 2012 goals, dreams, plans? Nope. And I like it that way,
What’s your favorite activity after a busy day: Doing what i do best–sleeping.
When do you most enjoy being around your mom? When we have one-on-one time.
When you do have your mom to yourself, what do you enjoy doing together and why? ‘Snugglin’ ’cause she is so warm in bed.
When do you lose your cool? One word: PEARL.
Other than her not being there, how do you reconnect with your cool? Or peace, or whatever you choose to call it? Go up to my room and listen to 95 Triple X [this is a radio station]. It calms me down.
When do you notice your mom loses her cool? What does SHE do to calm down? She loses her cool when me and “the bug” are fighting. She calms herself down by ignoring the fighting.
What do you get really inspired by or excited about? Whenever I get a new eye shadow palette, I’m excited to see what I can do with it. I get inspired by 3-D art.
If you had a magic wand, what would you change about how it is to be a kid these days? NO SIBLINGS ALLOWED. And in school, the boys have all these different gadget things, like first it was Bakugan, then Bay Blades, now it’s these weird rubber ninja guys and it’s really annoying. I wish they would stop.
What’s it like going between two houses? It’s really hard to keep track of my stuff, and sometimes it’s hard to leave one house to go to the other house, and when I’m with my mom I miss my dad, and when I’m with my dad, I miss my mom.
What do you think the world could use more of? Less of? More ecology and equality. Less global warming.
Do you think there is such a thing as a “perfect” family? Hard to say. Maybe.
Please share with us one thing you love knowing about yourself? No. [This answer was followed by both of us cracking up. As Aviva constantly reminds me, “No means no.”]
What’s perfect about your life, just the way it is? I’m in the style of this year. I’ve got great shoes, great clothes, great hair, great me!
We wound up with this exchange, and an hour of just-us time in a quiet house, without attachment to how it would go. And that is me at my best as a mama. Slowing down, chilling the f**k out, finding my peace with things as they are instead of how I think they should be — which, when I really look at it, is always coming from some form of fear or judgment. Sitting with myself, sitting with my girl.
Thank you for offering the space that prompted the time I shared with her today, and the things I learned about her.
Aviva
About Aviva: Aviva is hoping to be a lot of things, such as a veterinarian, a teacher, a mama, an actress, a model, and a make-up artist. Currently, she is a third-grader who has big dreams.
Jena, Pearl and Aviva
About Jena: Aviva’s Mama Jena is also hoping to be a lot of things. Currently, she is a full-time working mama, a poet, a life coach, an ex-wife who still loves her girls’ dad deeply, and a girlfriend to the most beautiful midwife she has ever known. Her big dreams involve living near the ocean and interfering as little as possible with her children growing into their full, naturally kind, curious, and generous selves. You can read her writing and connect with her about coaching at http://bullseyebaby.wordpress.com.
- Join the Kids Co-Op Link Up here and let me know if you add a link so I can check it out!
Awesomely Awake 