Original photo credit: adwriter via Flickr
Relationships don’t have to be complicated.
And yet we make them so.
Children want to know that you love them.
Parents want to know that their children love them back.
What better way to demonstrate your love than by being together. I’m talking casual, easygoing connections. The kind that leave your heart bursting with joy and gratitude.
What better way to do any of that than simple, old-fashioned family time. This is about seeing the ordinary as extraordinary.
That’s what this project is about, you know. Staying awake to what matters most in a human being’s life. Loving and being loved. Embracing family. Restoring faith in humanity. Remembering to give your whole heart and your whole mind to the ones we love most — before it all disappears, whoosh!
To make this kind of impact in a lifetime is a special gift, but it takes practice. Some parents never, ever grasp this concept of showing their love.
Let this not be your fate. Let this not be your child’s fate.
Grab them by their face — big or small — and show them that your eyes are so full of love. Give every bit of your heart today to your child and you will not regret it. The only regret may be that you held back, that you let that special love pale in comparison to other people, places and things.
I asked my village of friends around the world, again, to give me their favorite, ordinary moments as a family. Their words are wise. This is not about traveling to Disney World or Paris. It’s not about spending a ton of money or throwing amazing parties. Their advice is simple: The best moments are when we’re together because simple traditions and rituals are powerful. Those moments are what make make for the best childhood memories. Please add your own ideas in the comments.
10 Easy Ways to Connect as a Family:
READ
“My oldest daughter (age 5) and I love to read chapter books together. At the end of the day, we’ll snuggle together on my bed and read a chapter or two. I love sharing some of the books with her that I loved as a child,” said Terri from Creative Family Fun.
Julie at Creekside Learning said she loves reading to her kids. “I love making different character voices and putting emotion into my voice based on what is going on in the story. I love how captivated my kids are when they are being read to and that books are such a big part of their everyday life.”
Photo Credit: Gracie and Viv via Flickr
SNUGGLE
Snuggling was actually one of the big themes that came up for this post. Krissy at B-Inspired Mama said her family “loves snuggling up on the couch for family movie night. We get pizza and a movie from the Redbox. It doesn’t cost very much but seems so special to the kids.”
“Snuggling in bed with my daughter before she sleeps and talking about our favorite parts of our day,” said Rebekah Patel at The Golden Gleam.
“I’ve often told my husband that when I think of a truly warm and happy moment, it is the moment that I wake up and see that both of my kids have crawled into bed with us. Once we are all awake and cuddling as a family before we start the day…if I ever have to to my inner happy place now or when I’m older- that’s the memory and feeling I’ll invoke.” Tricia of Critters and Crayons.
GO OUTSIDE
MaryAnne at Mama Smiles loves spending time outside with her kids. “I love watching them explore, find an ordinary rock that they find extraordinarily beautiful, and the joy they see in discovering the ‘perfect’ stick!”
“All of us piling in the hammock—a tangle of children’s feet, arms, and legs in all different sizes—and we tell stories,” said Heather at Word Play House.
TAKE WALKS
“We love going for a walk or heading to the local park! In the summer the kids and I enjoy even just walking around outside the house looking at the plants & gardens to see how they are growing and changing and looking for butterflies. A current favorite at our house is a basketball game in the driveway… I think they like it best because Dad plays :).” Jennifer from Plain Vanilla Mom
“Our family loves walks. We enjoy exploring the neighborhood, the park, a trail, or the woods. Spending time together outside, talking, listening, and taking in nature. It’s the best.” Trisha from Inspiration Laboratories.
Photo Credit: Skyseeker via Flickr
CONNECT
“In this warm weather we love to sit on the old couch on our back balcony in the evenings and watch the sky get dark and the moon get brighter and brighter, watch the birds fly off to their trees for the night, and watch the bats come out. We have an ongoing competition to see who spots the first star, and the second, and so on,” said Jane from Mama Pea Pod.
Katherine of Creative Play House said she loves her family’s snuggles before bed. “Chatting about the day. Just playing; tickles, rolling around, being silly together. I also love cooking dinner while Jake sits on the counter helping, learning how to peel veggies, talking about food and anything else he wants, and watching everything I’m doing.”
Photo Courtesy of Gina at famiglia&seoul
PLAY
Gina at Famiglia&seoul has found connecting with extended family and old-fashioned play to be a very meaningful connection for her family. “I really want my son to get to know his grandparents and great grandparents. A couple of weeks ago, I asked them what they enjoyed doing outside as a child and some of the answer I got included playing with chalk, bike rides, making mud pies, and jumping rope. So, we decided to try out each one of their favorite memories (with them) to be able to enjoy the simple things in life that were important to them as a child. It is wonderful to see the smiles on my son and my family’s faces when they share these experiences for the first time.”
Danielle at 52 New Experiences said, “I love waiting for the bus with my children. We are the only ones at our bus stop, so we play tag, Simon Says, Mother May I, Red Light Green Light…all the games I used to play as a child!”
Amanda at Dirt and Boogers said, “We horseplay a lot around here. We tickle each other, run around the house, give piggy back rides, and wrestle around on the floor. The giggles are contagious, and we have a great time!
Photo Credit: Familymwr via Flickr
BAKE TOGETHER
Valerie from Glittering Muffins said cooking and baking is a favorite “because we all love food and to be able to make it together and see Nico’s excitement when stirring, pouring or cutting is just contagious.”
photo credit: cookie flores via Flickr
TAKE A DRIVE
“We love to go for ‘dinner drives’. We pack our dinner into foil containers, jump in the car and drive around until we find a spot we like (next to a beach, lake or playground usually). If the weather is nice we open up the rear hatch and sit on cushions in the cargo area together to eat, chat and sometimes watch a movie if we take the portable player with us. The kids particularly like parking near the airport and watching the planes land while they eat!” Carrie at A Little Learning for Two.
Photo Credit: Flashy Soup Can via Flickr
RELAX
“Hauling all our blankies and pillows to the living room floor on friday nights, making marshmallow popcorn, and giggling our faces off while we try to watch a movie. With 6 kids, it’s not so quiet and we miss most of the movie every time!” Arlee from My Small Potatoes.
“Sundays are family day for us. Everything we do is together as a family and we love it. From the mundane grocery shopping to an afternoon family spa (hot tub) to dinner at grandpa’s house.” Deborah with Learn with Play.
FAMILY MEALS
“I enjoy our mealtimes together. Sometimes we sit for a couple of hours talking and eating. It’s not always at dinnertime either, sometimes it’s over pancakes on a Saturday morning. We have some the most memorable and interesting conversations with our 4-year-old because he wants to know more about something or simply because we’re just reminiscing about something from the past,” said Heather at Little Moments to Embrace.
So just how do we live more? It’s perhaps a little easier said than done, right? Especially — well, particularly — for those of us with children. Perhaps even harder for those of us with no family to help out for even a day, let alone a night or a weekend? How do we live more?
I will admit, I struggle with this intention. And that’s why I wrote it.
But, now more than six years into this parenting gig, I do get it. Perhaps I always did.
For me, living is the little things. And when I look back at old videos, old pictures, old blog posts from a couple blogs ago, I realize … we have been extremely blessed to live a really awesome life — one that I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.
How do we live more with children?
I started thinking about this concept when I read Life is a Verb, as I wrote about in Monday’s Amaze Yourself & Live Life post, but that mindset really sunk in when our family created a memory jar.
For us, the memory jar is an old rice container that has been repurposed with a little sign that says Fink Memory Jar. We started it last September or so — long enough to know what we are doing. This idea popped up on Pinterest last year and I think it came from Parent Hacks but I’m not sure of the origination of anything anymore.
Currently, I am usually the only person writing memories in the jar but the whole family contributes to what should be written so it is truly a family effort. But, contrary to what you might think, memories are verbs. There are actions in memories. We have to do something, see something, hear something, notice something for it feel like a true memory.
We have to notice the beauty or we may miss it. And then you’ll get to the end of your day and think there’s nothing to write about today. There weren’t any A-ha Moments, in other words. It might have been a lovely day, a wonderful day even but no memories?? How can that be? How sad! What a tragedy!
I brainstormed one evening during my gratitude practice and discovered that there’s a whole lotta memories and living happening that we had glossed over as a family. I had been ignoring some wonderful, tiny, special, glittery moments that pass by with barely a blink.
This lesson was a lot like in the movie, “Up” when Mr. Frederickson realizes that his wife was a dreamer, yes, but that their everyday life together was all that really mattered to her. Such a poignant moment in the movie and I dare you to not cry during that scene. Double dare.
The reason that scene is so emotional for so many is because we realize that we are all so busy chasing those big “Rainbow” moments that we often forget about the small, everyday shimmery ones.
And, this memory jar project is also great motivation to start living life more. I highly recommend you start this jar today. You can put the little notes of paper in anything at all — a bowl, a ziplock bag — but start today. You will not regret it. Please share some ideas for memories to write down as well in the comments!
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Silly songs your family sings
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The crazy things kids say
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The crazy things parents say
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Anything related to body functions
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Illnesses — or better yet, that amazing feeling you feel when you are finally better!
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Random Acts of Kindness — both that you’ve done and when others do it to you
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Movie nights, game nights, art nights
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Big, scary bugs
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Big, scary messes
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Trips — big and little, far and near
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Daily rituals
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Traditions
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Adventures — tame and wild
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Learning moments
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Teachable moments
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Firsts. Ah, the firsts. {first roller skating experience}
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Books read — this includes parents’ books, too!!
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Special meals {spontaneous invite to a friend’s for Pizza Margherita!}
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Neat sightings {like when we saw 5 deer run across a highway}
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Silly things that make everyone laugh like taking a night to talk in a made-up language
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Weird things{ like when five cats suddenly show up living in your backyard.}
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The precious, sweet moments when you catch random kindness
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Your promotions and successes at work or in your community
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Your milestones {such as when I did back bends in yoga!!}
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Your dreams turning to reality {the day 5,000 people visited my blog!!}
At the end of the year — or whenever you feel like it — read these notes from the whole year. Now, share some of your own ideas to add to our memory jars!
A New Day -- buy on Etsy
When you wake today, May You Notice.
May you Pay attention.
May you see and honor the tiny, yet beautiful details of life unfolding before your very eyes. May you feel how the earth holds you up, grounds you and gives you something to stand on, something to stand for each day. May you smell the coffee as it gradually drifts from room to room. May you Breathe in the morning air, the smells of new beginnings, of starting overs, of delicious conspiracies you can turn into your reality.
May you see your partner. How he or she follows the same routine. How he or she takes time to notice the little things. May You hear what is not only said but meant. May You be open to that love between you.
Poster on Etsy. Click image for more details.
And when the children wake early, long before the sun rises, may you Notice.
May you Pay attention. May you realize this, too, will most definitely pass.
May you laugh as their bed head makes their hair do twisty, weird things. May you feel how their warmth radiates from their hearts, filling yours. Smell their sweetness and innocence before everyone gets too busy to gather close again. Notice what their eyes are drawn to out of curiosity and wonder. May You Notice what inspires them to smile. May you smile with them at the beauty of everything.
May You See Beauty by Lori Portka. Click image for details.
As you go about your day, and your family goes about theirs, May You Pay attention to the birds singing outside your windows. May you notice the way the green stems are peeking up through the ground. May you notice how the clouds are billowing away their time in the sky, traveling, floating. May You Notice the way all the human beings you pass are just human beings, fighting to survive another day themselves. May you notice how they warm your heart even if they are strangers, even if they are not like you.
And when you come back together as a family, May You Pay Attention to what isn’t said at all. May you look into each others eyes and notice how bright they are, or tired they are, or excited they are. May you cook slowly, eat slowly and linger long together, just relishing this meal for what it us — sustenance, soul food, nourishment. May you savor that food and the memories of eating together. May You Notice that this moment is what matters.
May You Pay Attention to the joy that crosses their faces as you say YES, finally, again, once more. May You Notice how that makes you feel, to make people happy because you can, because you wanted to and because you could.
As your day comes to an end, May You Notice how the light fades in each of your rooms. How the energy rises …. rises …. rises and then watch it as it falls, comes to a sleepy end. May You Notice how little bodies shiver and lips turn blue as they dry off from their bath. May You Notice how the knots have gotten more tangled as their hair has grown, as they have grown. May you notice that the line on the bathroom wall where you last measured is now far below where their head would be now.
May You Notice that life is right here, this moment and no other. May You Notice that you just survived a day without tackling your to-do list. May You Notice that you, too, have needs. A bath. A good book. A sweet wine. A massage. A long night’s sleep. To talk to a friend. To write long and full of run-on sentences because you have so much to express, so much to say and there aren’t enough hours to remember it all even though you really wish you could so you just have to write them down before you forget the beauty.
May You Pay Attention to all that matters today. And nothing more.
For more mindful living inspiration, check out Amaze Yourself & Say Yes More, Amaze Yourself & Do Less and Amaze Yourself & Act Silly.
My own image of my children on their Leap Pads the first day they received them.
It’s not easy being a parent. No matter if you work outside the home, inside the home. No matter if you have one, two, three or fifteen children. No matter if you have a small house in a big city or a big house in a small city. No matter if you have money or very little money.
Raising children is hard work — at least it is if you are doing it right.
It’s really no wonder parents are spending more time than ever checking in on Facebook, smart phones, or doing project after project after project. It helps to have something to do rather than sit around and dwell on all the stuff we want to be able to do or used to be able to do but no longer can. This self-medicating with social media is harmful — as Rachel at Hands Free Mama has said so eloquently this week on her blog.
And yet our children don’t care how fancy we are as parents, or how many messages we get in an hour about our blog. The smaller they are the more they need us. The bigger they are, the more they need us. Sometimes, the more they need us, the more we want to slink away and find some blanket to crawl under. But it doesn’t have to feel that way.
Breaks for parents are absolutely essential. Absolutely.
There is a time and place for media and screens and technology. And there is a time and place for NO media and NO screens. It’s about being conscious, as a parent and a human being, about when and how we are turning to the computer or TV for simply boredom or laziness or seriously trying to avoid our lives.
To truly be awake to this life — these fleeting 18 years — we have but one choice to make each day: embrace our blessings and honor those around us. Practicing mindful choices each day is something that we have to model for our children or else they, too, will end up staring at screens all too much in their own life (like that picture above!).
There are many ways that you can just be with your children that are not hard work, that are not challenging or tiresome. By just being there, you may discover that your child will reach out to you simply because you are suddenly available. The magic in this list is that it’s just simply being together for a solid half hour or so but it offers up the most beneficial memories we can offer to children. Here are some of our family’s favorites:
- Turn off the TV/computer/phones for one hour. (In our house, we limit daily screen time to a total of one hour except on movie nights).
- Have a work hour — they do homework and you work on a hobby like art or reading while sitting at the same table.
- Just listen to music. At our house, we call this a dance party.
- Light a candle for your children — one each.
- Surprise them with a celebration for trying hard on a test or homework and eat store bought cookies and milk.
- Sit on the couch while they play and read magazines. They will sit next to you eventually and ask, “Whatcha reading?”
- Grab two balls and challenge everyone to find something fun to do with them outside.
- Snuggle under a blanket or put a puzzle together.
- Whip up a nice bowl of ice cream and laugh while you eat it.
- Watch TV with them if they insist on watching.
- Ask them open-ended questions about their day.
- Tell them something surprising about your day.
- Draw together, taking turns adding new lines on the same paper.
- Take a drive, taking turns picking the direction and sitting in silence as the unfamiliar landscape passes you by.
- Look at their baby photos.
- Tell them a funny story from their younger days.
- Tell them a funny story from your own childhood.
- In fact, tell them any story you can think of telling.
- Ask them to teach you how to do something. This is big. Very big.
- Ask them questions about their favorite things.
- Help them clean their room or the basement or the garage. Whatever. Lend a hand.
- Ask them for help with a problem.
- Hold a family meeting to just catch up.
- Announce that there will be no cleaning for just one day.
- Give them a coupon for a hug to use anytime they need it.
What kinds of things do you like to do with our family to just relax and be together with little expectations?
Awesomely Awake 